Thoughts on Thanksgiving
Powered by corporate greed, Thanksgiving has been nearly bitch-slapped off the calendar. Walk into any retailer and you’lll notice the seasonal aisle goes from Halloween to Christmas, complete with holiday music piped in weeks before Turkey Day. This year it took only ONE day after Halloween before witnessing the first X Mas TV commercial. Despite the overkill, how irritating must those commercials be to non-Christians. Thank you Wal Mart.
Come to think of it, there are many reasons Thanksgiving is in need of a makeover. For one, the great tradition of American football has diminished. Football has become an event where players who do NOT participate have become more significant than the ones that do. Of the entire league, I’m unaware why the Detroit Lions must play every Thanksgiving, but those games have generally sucked too.
Growing up with only seven TV channel choices, King Kong and Mighty Joe Young were somehow America’s most popular Thanksgiving custom. I’ve no idea why claymation gorillas were more entertaining than the overpaid and undereducated gorillas on the gridiron. Thanks to cable television, a new tradition of broadcasting the 'Godfather' trilogy has emerged; though themes of thankfulness seem lost here as well.
Our culinary tastes have also evolved since the 1600's. While it’s a noble gesture to enjoy chestnuts and porridge, these items are not sold at Chick-fil-A, Starbucks, or Panera. Wild berries and Quail look terrible on cooking shows, and Grandma's stuffing recipe just isn't satisfying the native people any longer. The turkey deep fryer isn't much of a makeover either, but we’re on our way.
Another reason Thanksgiving has been diluted is the broken family. Let's face it, most American families today divide their holiday time between in-laws, outlaws, step children, ex-spouses, and new faces due to our revolving-door families. Having the patriarch carve the turkey isn't so special anymore. Today, the famous Rockwell painting wouldn’t be complete without dad's new wife and her facially pierced child from a former marriage. The Gen Z’er would be center frame wearing headphones and updating her instagram status. Whether you agree or not, things certainly ARE different. And despite Governor Cuomo's spying black eye in holiday history, there's still a list of reasons to remain thankful.
*I'm thankful to have lived through different chapters of American history. The experience fosters a humble perspective that increases the human spirit…as long as one doesn't suffer an aneurysm first.
*I am forever grateful for the 1970 Stephen Stills song, "Love the one you're with." and my oral fixation. After a wonderful Thanksgiving meal in the early 1990's, I drove my Step Brother home to the West Village in the old man’s Pontiac Grand Am. While driving past the famous Tower Records mega store and knowing it to be open every day 'till midnight, I pulled over to browse the bins in search of the vinyl record.
Eager to get home and spin the record, and hustling through the cold air, Dad's car would not turn over. Lying spread eagle on Broadway in a new leather jacket, a puddle of oil was traced back to a small hole in the oil pan. Thankfully, as gas stations in Manhattan are as rare as hen's nuts, the old station on Broadway /Houston sold a few quarts. A four hour wad of chewed gum then plugged the hole all the way to Coney Island, saving the engine from ceasing. Had the sports car not stopped that thankful evening, a heavy foot would certainly have ceased that engine on the Brooklyn-Queens expressway.
*Today, I am thankful to drive a Jeep. That small vehicle has paid for itself in New York City parking alone. One Thanksgiving Eve around Y2K, I was lucky enough to have off for the biggest party night of the year. Other rookies weren't as thankful or lucky. While bouncing around Bay Ridge, I squeezed the jeep between two parked cars at metered spots, and marched inside Lily’s bar with some extra holiday cheer. After closing, when the Irish staff pushed a hundred revelers into the dawn's early light, so proudly we hailed my Jeep, wrapped in 10 layers of crime scene tape.
Looped around the bumpers, mirrors, antenna, and spare tire, the truck was bound so tightly that the tape could not easily be removed. So I pried myself in and drove home with the yellow tape flapping in the Belt Parkway winds.
*I am thankful that millions of fewer devices able to call 911 were activated in the last century. That car stop today would be quite different with body cameras.
*I am forever thankful for a rewarding and physically unharmed career in public service. A few Thanksgiving Eve's later- not lucky to get the night off- while driving a police van around the same blocks, we came upon a street full of drunken women stumbling around cold and confused. It was clear they were looking for a misplaced auto, but I wanted to hear the lie about who might be driving. (One of the more entertaining aspects of law enforcement is being lied to every day. The bullshit cops hear is a story itself. Being regularly lied to by strangers makes cops better poker players too.)
"Our friend dropped us off at the bar because it was cold, then parked the car without us. She gave us the keys and left with a guy, but didn't tell us where the car was."
They said they were all from Staten Island and couldn't get home easily. This sounded plausible. "Get in the van," I said, "We'll help you find it." The next five minutes of small talk revealed the sharpest chick in the group was the busty redhead.
"So what's your story?" I asked speaking into the rear view mirror.
"I'm house-sitting chickens for my friend for the holiday weekend," Mary said.
This statement suggested that they certainly had to be from Staten Island. They were then deposited at their car, and the ladies were blessed for their journey. Thankfully, Mary andI have been friends ever since.
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