Offensive Halloween Costumes.

Ahhh Halloween. The bestest of holidays. Celebrating Halloween adds to the richness of our great land. While the Pagan ritual has evolved over the centuries, our perfected observance is vibrant. No longer a spiritual endeavor, Halloween has grown to embrace both young and old without theological trappings, or the stodgy notion of gathering with odd family members. A uniquely American holiday; how much fun would Halloween be in most of the world without American creativity? In fact, the gratitude of strangers is what makes Halloween so rewarding. We dress up in costumes for the amusement of others, and trick-or-treating without community input would just be another dumb variation of the Easter egg hunt. (What does a chocolate bunny or colored eggs have to do with Christ’s resurrection anyway?) Interaction with strangers is the hallmark of our great American holiday, and what better way to celebrate then to embrace our ‘inalienable’ rights and push the boundaries of free speech and expression? If I were a woman, I might join the masses by exploiting my sexuality on a guilt free holiday, but probably not. Instead I am more provocative and cerebral, or as I like to say, “topical and offensive.”

Why push the limits of decency on an allowable holiday? Because we can! After all, people are jailed for minor acts in less civilized places. Recently we have seen what happens to demonstrators in the Middle East, or China. Even England, our longtime ally and civilized contemporary, imposes free expression restrictions on its citizens. As a traveler I can say with confidence that unrestricted expression is our greatest freedom and most respected export. And while I would never yell “fire” in a crowded theater or burn our flag in protest, I would fight hard to preserve those foolish acts.

One might say I embody a Presidential spirit. I agree. So much so, that after winning the election I chose to dress as our President in black face carrying his recently won Nobel Peace Prize. Ironically, it was the least provocative costume I’ve worn in over 15 years. Even on the subway with black ears, big buck teeth, and a greasy black face nobody complained. I was slightly disappointed.

Getting confronted on Halloween is an annual tradition that I look forward to. It makes all the effort and planning worthwhile. As a lifetime class clown one needs a venue to let loose. It’s nice to be the rebel for a change since my professional life compels me to occasionally be serious. Are there setbacks? Of course! But I say all the time that every man needs a good ass-kicking once in a while. It’s good for the soul, and I have the dental implants to prove it.

Hard to believe that one of the most heated Halloween confrontations I had involved a college chick. The popular local topic was of Corey Lidle, the Yankee pitcher, who fatally flew his private plane into a Manhattan apartment building. In a dull news season the costume was a no brainer. I purchased a Yankee uniform with Lidle’s name and number, a baseball glove, and a huge Styrofoam plane that I broke apart, set on fire, and tied to the uniform. In a bar on Halloween night I was shoved by this witch (Literally a witch…art imitates life.) and yelled at for my insensitivity. Her father had perished years earlier in a plane crash and she couldn’t see the humor. I tried to explain to the witch that I was satirizing a recent event and not making fun of plane crash victims. She would not have it, nor did her large boyfriend. As they became loud and close to me, they kept knocking into my 6 foot charred wings making me smirk. The smirks made them angrier. I tried for a few minutes to plead my case, but they were drunk and stuck on stupid. Finally I had to say, “My costumes are normally more offensive than this, so get the fuck over it already.” I walked away without further incident.  

Here is a short list of some costumes I’ve worn to the largest night parade on the planet, usually within a timely few days of the headline:

       ° (Updated for Halloween 2022) Kanye West            in blackface wearing a "White Lives                        Matter" shirt.

• New Orleans looter (After Hurricane Katrina-complete with rubber boots, shopping cart, Television, and clothes with tags on them.)
• Superman in a wheelchair (pictured: the chicks loved it. Christopher Reeve died 10-11-04.)
• Folk Artist John Denver after his plane crash. (10-12-97) This time with busted model airplane AND shattered acoustic guitar.
• In October 2001 I enlarged the mailing label of Anthrax mailed to Tom Brokaw at NBC studios and dressed as the anthrax spewing package.
• A trapped Peruvian Miner (2010)
• A Staten Island ferry crash victim.  Another close call in a Brooklyn bar. I wouldn’t have had a chance with my neck in a brace, my arm in a sling and an orange life jacket around me. (10-15-03)

In politically correct times, I have been viewed as insensitive by my community at times. Somehow after twenty years of decorating my parents yard, complete with a moving prisoner in an electric chair and hanging mannequins from the tree. Some new residents on the block called the news and the community board. Apparently one of the hooded Halloween figures crossed the line and the situation became the news 12 question of the day. “Should they remove the decorations?” Carloads of supporters began honking in support and even rang the doorbell to protest people’s lack of humor. When interviewed I just said “I’ve been doing this for 20 years without any complaints. If you don’t like it stay off the block.”

Well Halloween is upon us again, so let me cut this short. The house needs my help. Time to get out the ladder and start thinking about my ‘topical and offensive’ costume idea this year. Hmmmmm, didn’t a helicopter crash happen yesterday?