My Dumb Observations

                    A Quarter Century Of Swimming With Coney Island The Polar Bear Club "Are you kidding me?" yelled the Administrative Sergeant, his voice buzzing through me, echoing down the hall of Christmas decorations towards the Desk Officer. "It's below freezing out there today. What if something happens to you? How will I explain to the Duty Captain that a rookie I've never met went for a leisurely swim on his meal break and was removed to the hospital?" “I see your point Sir, but even under that worst case scenario I'd never blame you or the job for the leaps and bounds of stupidity I engage in off duty. If I dressed down and went for a dirty water dog on my lunch hour, nobody would know or care now that my arrest paperwork has been finalized.” "The problem is you're technically not off duty,” barked the Sergeant. “This is why you must report exactly where you're taking your meal break and make hourly rings to the Desk...

From a cultural perspective, America is a peculiar nation. Without the richness of millennia to draw from or many shared borders to influence us, America manages to hold her own. Similar to the old-timey days, we just do things differently here. On the world stage, however, many nations find America less entertaining, viewing us as a spoiled bully still in diapers. Perhaps true, but the United States attracts players from around the world, forming the greatest expansion team in history. And with all those cultures in the mix, America proudly displays her combined greatness. For better or worse, we also do a robust job projecting ourselves as a libido-driven, virus spreading, collection of binge drinkers. America has also reimagined some practices to the benefit of democracy worldwide. Ancient Pagans would wish to carry the candy basket of any American kid on Halloween, and no Inuit festival can warm the feet of a reveler at our Groundhog Day or polar plunge celebrations. And look what ...

Odd thoughts come to mind while reflecting on the passing of a friend one year ago. Some believe not everyone is called to be on the planet a long time. Of course, whenever a person in his early 50's passes, it's hard to avoid thoughts of "too soon." But Howie was an outlier. Both personally and professionally, Howie sailed rogue in a world divided by labels, conjuring his Brooklyn birthright to adapt in anyone's company. Nicknamed Triple H by fellow cops, he could be observed clocking out from a double shift with little sleep, or brown-baggin' a beer with flag waving colleagues, or seen donning a helmet to ride with his crew of urban motorcycle enthusiasts, often in the same day! Super cool, Howie's persona fit the stereotype of his appearance; like a lab-made hybrid of Barry White and Issac Hayes without the velvet notes or Kung Fu moves, but that never stopped him. Always the quiet charmer, Triple H would head back to his locker after roll call to spor...

Growing up in New York City during the bad old days was a wild ride. From the 1960's through the 1990's, a perfect storm amassed, creating a calamity of conditions that would erode the city. Of course, people living through those declining decades can compare notes as to when the Big Apple had rotted most- and they all have merit. The 60's saw profound institutional racism, record unemployment, and inner city riots. The 70's added a crippling financial crisis and urban decay to the recipe. Then 1980's witnessed rapid flight and a declining tax base, combined with exploding street crime, crack cocaine, and the AIDS crisis. The simmer  would then boil over, culminating in the 1990's when murder, drugs, mayhem of every flavor, and a malaise of government services would embrace Mayor Rudy Giuliani charging forward with a plan for change. Giuliani's recalibration of city services, and redeployment of the NYPD would eventually swing the pendulum back toward civili...

Please stop being nosey. From minor accidents in the opposite lane of the highway, to murmurs down your block, just mind your business. Why? Because most likely, your half-assed assessment will lead to misinformation or worse if the police get involved. What dividends do being nosey pay anyway? Just think of all the yentas in your workplace and the hearsay they promote. Nosiness rarely improves your condition, and if you’re dealing with me, might even set you back. From wash-women colleagues to bystanders on the street, I always look forward to messing with nosey people. One of America’s greatest thinkers, Jerry Seinfeld, once geniusly said, “People who read supermarket tabloids deserve to be lied to.” Well, I feel the same way about people who can’t mind their fuckin’ business. In law enforcement, police are often tasked with non-enforcement matters. Sometimes we need to return property, or get signatures on documents, or to notify next of kin for an arrested family member, or other n...

*reprinted from the archives circa 2012 Just when you thought it was safe to resume chewing off people's faces, President Obama signed new legislation banning bath salts and other synthetic substances. The new Federal law classifies many over-the-counter products as controlled substances with greater penalties. Other states have independently banned variations of the substances in response to publicized antisocial dietary behavior. New York recently became the 41st state to also outlaw the use of bath salts. Often referred to as 'designer drugs ’ , many bath salts sold as herbal remedies such as Ivory Wave, Vanilla Sky, and Bliss are currently being removed from store shelves.      States are responding to the current threat to public health and safety. However, many states missed the memo on crystal meth production; thinking the increase in trailer homes along the outskirts of town and rise in cold medicine sales were signs of an expanding economy. Today, p...